Who is Tagaziel?

Anyone interacting with me might wonder why I chose this particular name to represent myself. Everyone’s name is a story and this is no exception. Tagaziel replaced my original online handle, Mikael Grizzly, created by having fun with the wiktionary, picking letters at random, and eventually arriving at something that felt right for me. Something I could use online and not feel like I’m copying someone else or being lazy about it.

However, that’s what the name is and what it means to me – not who Tagaziel actually is.

It’s a Poom!

Tagaziel is intimately tied to my personal setting, something I started exploring and building in high school (roughly around 2005), as a safe space within that’s entirely my own. At roughly the same time I joined the furry community, which became a safe space without, allowing me to survive being raised in a conservative, rigid, and very Catholic family.

Tagaziel, Tagz, or Taga was a puma from the start – the species was picked based on their particular family dynamics, as I don’t have healthy family relations. Pooms tend to be solitary and very territorial – up to and including fighting each other, children against parents, for their claim. I briefly considered a snow leopard, but didn’t want to derive my character from one representing one of my favorite artists, so I chose my poom.

Another reason was that I consistently placed as Puma in Metal Gear Solid, so it only confirmed further that pooms are the right fit for me. The only change came a year or two later, when I decided to add some tiger to the mix, representing her mixed ancestry in the setting; the world of Karis was my shelter from cruel, repressive parenting and as it grew, so did Tagaziel.

She Grows

Tagaziel became an integral part of my life over the years, not so much a character but an alter ego, a way to explore and experience things that were outside my ken – things that eventually would make me realize that I was, among other things, transgender. It stems from the fact that she was based on me – my height, dimensions, everything, and her story was heavily inspired by my life, experiences, and what happened to me and each major beat was tied to the events of my life.

Perhaps the most important event was meeting my beloved Tigress and getting together in 2009. She accepted Erena, Tagaziel’s in-universe spouse, as her own character, and the story grew even further. When our son was born, the family also expanded to include him as Eraziel.

Beyond evolving to keep pace with my real-life changes, Tagaziel also was a vehicle for exploring other things in my life, including my identity. I used to RP quite a lot when I was younger (responsibilities only pile up as you get older) and it was Tagaziel, as Tagazielle, Tagazelle, or simply Zelle that represented my first forays into feminity – and even in an adult context (oh no, erotic roleplay) these represented a significant step forward… Even though it would still take me years for me to realize who I am.

Transgaziel

When I realized I’m trans around 2023, Tagaziel led the charge in transitioning. While I was going through therapy which led to the formal diagnosis process (which turned out to be a very good idea given the doors it opened for me in Spain), I started my social transition online.

A part of that was transitioning my ESO Tagaziel, which happened at the end of 2023. I love my Tagz, but seeing her as a girl – now aware that I am trans – was a very special moment for me. It’s the first time I made a conscious choice to play as a woman.

This remains one of the most significant early steps in my transition, molding Tagaziel to be as I wanted her to be. As I wanted to be. Figuring out her place in the setting, the consequences and impact of her transition also fueled many an interesting thought marathon – especially given the wholesale rejection of me by my blood family.

But most importantly, my Tagaziel, my poom, and my being a part of a wonderful community eventually led to some of the most wonderful connections I made in my life.

So if you ask me who is Tagaziel?

She is me. I am her.